Questions that are Taboo on Hair Boards

[jada1111]

Yeah. I can't understand why you are not considered "natural enough" (by some folk) unless you use hair products that come straight from the ground in Africa (nothing against those products). Am I not allowed to use products to enhance the beauty of my hair? I mean even white women use hair sprays, gels, and mousses to enhance their natural hair--why is it wrong for us to do the same? Can I get some credit for the fact that I've gone natural? Do I have to give up all my products too?

Nope.  You should be allowed to continue to use whatever you want.  Though I do find that most products I used for relaxed hair doesn't work for natural hair.  I don't know if there is a difference between natural products or heavily "chemicalized" ones.  As long as the product doesn't have a lot of proteins, mineral oil or petrolatum I'm good. 

[Afrocurls]

I have a question about you all's attitudes toward pressing.

I was thinking about this on the bus yesterday, mostly because I had seen a friend of mine who is natural, but she wears her hair pressed all the time. This friend of mine has some of the most beautiful bouncy hair I've ever seen. I actually know a couple of sistas who wear their hair straight all the time, but don't put chemicals on it (relaxers or color).

I think it's safe to say that a nice number of us were once active posters at NP, and we all know the NP stance on heat. It seems that aside from the damage it can cause as well as them despising the "eurolaxed" look , a lot of them have said that they don't want women going natural to feel like they have to use heat in order to have beautiful natural hair. I agree with the last part; I think it's imperative for women with natural hair to know how to deal with their hair in its natural state.

But....do naturals ever get to a point where you don't give a fuck? I can only speak for myself, but I definitely can't say with absolute certainty that I won't heat style my hair regularly at some point in my life. Not because I think it looks better, but because straight hair on my head IS easier to manage. Point blank. I aint seen nann chick on NP with hair as thick as mine; why should I listen to them? My hairtwin Jazzi said it best:  these hoes always wanna fawn over how thick somebody's hair is, but if they aint gon help detangle and style it, then they should STFU!

I honestly thought that after being natural for 2.5 years that my hair would lose some of this volume, but that doesn't appear to be the case. And if the Ethiopian women at my salon say it probably won't lose any volume the longer it gets (and they would know because their hair is exactly like mine), then am I running around in circles for no reason? Being pissed off for no reason? I do think I'm reaching a point where I'm not trippin' off my hair like that anymore. That's the main reason why I closed down my photo album; my hair is in a ponytail almost everyday and I use the same 5 products. Besides, the proportion of my time spent thinking about my hair itself is significantly less than it used to be. I just don't care anymore. LOL And the more I don't care, the more open I am to doing things with my hair that I was apprehensive about before. 

But ya'll can rest assured I aint relaxing a damn thing. I CAN say that for certain.

What about you all? If you've been natural for longer than say, 3 years, has your attitude toward doing "forbidden things" (i.e. heat styling, coloring, getting a weave) relaxed a bit or as you just as emphatic about not doing them as the day you went natural?

[jada1111]

I have a question about you all's attitudes toward pressing.

What about you all? If you've been natural for longer than say, 3 years, has your attitude toward doing "forbidden things" (i.e. heat styling, coloring, getting a weave) relaxed a bit or as you just as emphatic about not doing them as the day you went natural?

Afrocurls, you NEED to do what's best for YOU. 

If you wanna press, then PRESS.  Ain't nobody gonna come after you with a whip or anything! LOL!  You do what makes YOU happy. You know the risks that come with it.  Both Nik, Bre and Yaya from ANTM pressed their hair with heat and it hasn't hurt their careers.  I also notice that when they wear it "natural" it's not poofy.  It hangs low or have a waviness to it, making it seem like it's texturized when it's not.

As for ME, the answer is NO.  I don't like the straight look anymore and I'm also afraid that some sections will get damaged or too straight.  My hair already has weird sections like that now.  Adding heat will only make it worse.  For those times that I might want to wear straight hair, I'll get an all over weave or lacefront. 

Pressed hair NEVER lasted on me for more than a few hours anyway (back when I was a kid).

Now that I finally got it cut properly I'm waiting to see how long it gets.

[Chelacious]

Re: pressing and taboo stuff posted by Afrocurls.

I've only been natural 20 months, and I've never been emphatically anti pressing and coloring. I think it's an individual decision. I went natural primarily because I HATED going into the shop for a retouch and finding time to get my hair done--not because I hated my straightened hair.  I AM of the belief that if you are natural you ought to like your hair in natural styles and be as comfortable with your natural texture as you are with your straightened look--otherwise just get a relaxer and be done with it.

My recalcitrance about straightening and coloring stems from my  concern about heat and color damage--my hair strands are so fine that I'm concerned that my bomb ass flatiron look will not fully revert, or that my cute color will have my ends breaking off.  But I've promised myself that I'll stop being lazy and flatiron before the year's up (as soon as I get done with my exercise boot camp, which will destroy the flatiron within the hour). Maybe I'll do it for Christmas.

[Imla]

After 5 years, the only thing I'm still apprehensive about is heat damage from flat ironing/pressing.  I eventually had to cut off 8-9 inches.  As far as color, I've done it all; semi, permanent, and currently henna.  I envy the curlies who are able to maintain hair health and successfully straighten.  I've seen some beautiful hair both curly and straight.  For straight styles though, it's wet sets and wraps for me.

[jazzi]

But....do naturals ever get to a point where you don't give a fuck? :

What about you all? If you've been natural for longer than say, 3 years, has your attitude toward doing "forbidden things" (i.e. heat styling, coloring, getting a weave) relaxed a bit or as you just as emphatic about not doing them as the day you went natural?

I wouldn't say I don't give a f*ck, but I'm alot less tedious about my hair today than I was 3 years ago.  And you know something, it may not even be that so much as I've got my hair figured out so it doesn't occupy so much time and energy anymore.  I think after awhile, it gets to the point where the newness wears off, you become comfortable, and it's just hair.

As far as the "forbidden" things, for ME personally, it's always been about maintaining health before anything.  Excessive heat, coloring, extensions, whatever isn't my thing b/c my hair is fragile and I KNOW it will get messed up.  Regardless of the "you should love your napps" mantra, it's about what keeps my hair in best shape.

I straightened last weekend and I just don't like straight hair on me anymore period.  But I don’t feel like I "sold out" or anything b/c I did.  It's my hair. 

[GypsyCurls]

Yeah. I can't understand why you are not considered "natural enough" (by some folk) unless you use hair products that come straight from the ground in Africa (nothing against those products). Am I not allowed to use products to enhance the beauty of my hair? I mean even white women use hair sprays, gels, and mousses to enhance their natural hair--why is it wrong for us to do the same? Can I get some credit for the fact that I've gone natural? Do I have to give up all my products too?

ITA with your entire post.  To say that someone must be completely natural is insane.  Because as far as I am concerned when you are chemical free, you ARE natural.  I am not giving up my hair products the same as I am not giving up soap, deodorant, lotions, and perfumed spritzes.  So, if you give up the hair products, then you must give up the other hygenic things mentioned because most aren't completely natural.  I think those sites take it a little too far.  Fine if your definition it to give it all up, mine is not.  But that does not mean that I am any less natural.  And like Jada111 mentioned, white people and other races do it as well to enhance the natural beauty of their hair.  Why are they judged less harshly for enhancing what they have and we are totally scrutinized for wanting nice, shiny, and more defined curls?

I had joined NP a long time ago, but never posted.  I read the opening caption and was instantly offended.  There are more types of black hair than what they were professing.  So, I took it that it would not be the place for me for all of the obvious reasons.  The statement made it seem as if my hair needs would not be welcomed.  Plus I don't have that IN YOUR FACE mentality.  I like to have discussions.  I am not for getting someone told or telling someone off.  I like to exchange thoughts and ideas.  If I am missing the mark, then lets talk about it further.  But it is no need to blast people.  Now I am not talking about ignorance or being ignorant as hell.  I am talking about people actually having a conversation and learning something.  I can argue with the best of them, but at the end of the day, that just ain't my bag!!  I got better things to do.  My sole purpose is to learn and to share.

-GypsyCurls

[vibranthing]

Plus I don't have that IN YOUR FACE mentality.  I like to have discussions.  I am not for getting someone told or telling someone off.  I like to exchange thoughts and ideas.  If I am missing the mark, then lets talk about it further.  But it is no need to blast people.  Now I am not talking about ignorance or being ignorant as hell.  I am talking about people actually having a conversation and learning something.  I can argue with the best of them, but at the end of the day, that just ain't my bag!!  I got better things to do.  My sole purpose is to learn and to share.

-GypsyCurls

I agree...I'ts okay to disagree but no need to get ignorant or put others down for having different ideas like some of these women do on other boards.

[jada1111]

I had joined NP a long time ago, but never posted.  I read the opening caption and was instantly offended.  There are more types of black hair than what they were professing.  So, I took it that it would not be the place for me for all of the obvious reasons.  The statement made it seem as if my hair needs would not be welcomed.

Really??  You felt offended?  I didn't, because I knew WHY Dee created the site.  Afro-cottony hair is the most vilified of all hair textures, so there NEEDED to be a site to address the needs of that texture.  Naturallycurly was cool and I always flipped back between both sites.  I eventually stopped posting in the NP hair forums altogether because I did begin to see a bias catering towards the 4b or tighter coiled naps.  It was like anything even remotely talking about curly/coily definition was considered blasphemous.  But yet, braid and twistouts were talked about non-stop and those styles give textured look of what gels do for 4a types. 

Needless to say I found this to be hypocritical.  And I ALSO AGREE WITH YOU about the various textures blacks have on our heads.  NP should just come out and say ONLY AFRO COTTONY HAIR THAT DOES NOT COIL WHEN WET NEED JOIN.  Seriously. 

Plus I don't have that IN YOUR FACE mentality.  I like to have discussions.  I am not for getting someone told or telling someone off.  I like to exchange thoughts and ideas.  If I am missing the mark, then lets talk about it further.  But it is no need to blast people.  Now I am not talking about ignorance or being ignorant as hell.  I am talking about people actually having a conversation and learning something.  I can argue with the best of them, but at the end of the day, that just ain't my bag!!  I got better things to do.  My sole purpose is to learn and to share.

I don't like this either.  Which is another reason why I only post on the informational boards only.  I'm not the type to cuss you out, then post a whole bunch of links to prove my point.  I don't believe in font fighting on the internet.  NOTHING IS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO GET INTO IT LIKE THAT WITH YOU.  I'm already stressed enough in my personal life.  I feel people that do this must not have very happy outside lives or they put up fake "fronts" like they're nice people.  The internet is the only way for them to relieve their aggressions and be who they REALLY ARE = Miserable.

[GypsyCurls]

Really??  You felt offended?  I didn't, because I knew WHY Dee created the site.  Afro-cottony hair is the most vilified of all hair textures, so there NEEDED to be a site to address the needs of that texture.  Naturallycurly was cool and I always flipped back between both sites.  I eventually stopped posting in the NP hair forums altogether because I did begin to see a bias catering towards the 4b or tighter coiled naps.  It was like anything even remotely talking about curly/coily definition was considered blasphemous.  But yet, braid and twistouts were talked about non-stop and those styles give textured look of what gels do for 4a types. 

Needless to say I found this to be hypocritical.  And I ALSO AGREE WITH YOU about the various textures blacks have on our heads.  NP should just come out and say ONLY AFRO COTTONY HAIR THAT DOES NOT COIL WHEN WET NEED JOIN.  Seriously. 

I don't like this either.  Which is another reason why I only post on the informational boards only.  I'm not the type to cuss you out, then post a whole bunch of links to prove my point.  I don't believe in font fighting on the internet.  NOTHING IS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO GET INTO IT LIKE THAT WITH YOU.  I'm already stressed enough in my personal life.  I feel people that do this must not have very happy outside lives or they put up fake "fronts" like they're nice people.  The internet is the only way for them to relieve their aggressions and be who they REALLY ARE = Miserable.

I was only offended because when I was looking for forums to bump "bushes" with and I came across that site, I was instantly happy.  I loved the name and the look and the reason for creating such a site for black hair.  And ITA with that being the most vilified of all hair textures.  But I want to talk to anyone that has textured black hair period.  And it seemed as if it was another division of hair types.  And I felt that we have enough divisions among us and it would be nice to just have a site that caters to all of us like HappyCurls and the other more openly welcomed forums for curly/coily hair.

I mean lets talk about it all.  Lets just talk about hair.  Lets just talk about our hair.  I did not know the reasons behind the site being catered to that particular hair type as some do.  I just wanted to relate with others about black hair.  And because black hair runs the whole gamut, that is what I want to talk about.  Because regardless of our individual texture, in others eye view, it is just black hair.  And I am okay with that....and I was hoping that the site would be too.  As much as I admire other textures of hair, when I go to wash and style mine, I have to deal with MY hair and its texture.

But as with all things....if I feel that there will be issues, then I am not trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.  Because I follow instructions.  If you say it is geared toward that particular hair type, then I believe you.  So, for sanities sake, I seek out boards such as this and other informational type ones that are more open for discussion.  And reading a few threads and seeing the responses was enough for me to know that something said innocently and curious could get easily blown out of proportion.  I have ran into a few curlies that had to tuck their tails between their legs and run from that site.  My hair may not be as textured as some, but it is still nappy.  You can ask any white person and they will say that kinky/coily/curly black hair is black hair.  No one judges it in degrees the way that we do sometimes. 

-GypsyCurls

[GypsyCurls]

I have a question about you all's attitudes toward pressing.

I was thinking about this on the bus yesterday, mostly because I had seen a friend of mine who is natural, but she wears her hair pressed all the time. This friend of mine has some of the most beautiful bouncy hair I've ever seen. I actually know a couple of sistas who wear their hair straight all the time, but don't put chemicals on it (relaxers or color).

I think it's safe to say that a nice number of us were once active posters at NP, and we all know the NP stance on heat. It seems that aside from the damage it can cause as well as them despising the "eurolaxed" look , a lot of them have said that they don't want women going natural to feel like they have to use heat in order to have beautiful natural hair. I agree with the last part; I think it's imperative for women with natural hair to know how to deal with their hair in its natural state.

But....do naturals ever get to a point where you don't give a fuck? I can only speak for myself, but I definitely can't say with absolute certainty that I won't heat style my hair regularly at some point in my life. Not because I think it looks better, but because straight hair on my head IS easier to manage. Point blank. I aint seen nann chick on NP with hair as thick as mine; why should I listen to them? My hairtwin Jazzi said it best:  these hoes always wanna fawn over how thick somebody's hair is, but if they aint gon help detangle and style it, then they should STFU!

I honestly thought that after being natural for 2.5 years that my hair would lose some of this volume, but that doesn't appear to be the case. And if the Ethiopian women at my salon say it probably won't lose any volume the longer it gets (and they would know because their hair is exactly like mine), then am I running around in circles for no reason? Being pissed off for no reason? I do think I'm reaching a point where I'm not trippin' off my hair like that anymore. That's the main reason why I closed down my photo album; my hair is in a ponytail almost everyday and I use the same 5 products. Besides, the proportion of my time spent thinking about my hair itself is significantly less than it used to be. I just don't care anymore. LOL And the more I don't care, the more open I am to doing things with my hair that I was apprehensive about before. 

But ya'll can rest assured I aint relaxing a damn thing. I CAN say that for certain.

What about you all? If you've been natural for longer than say, 3 years, has your attitude toward doing "forbidden things" (i.e. heat styling, coloring, getting a weave) relaxed a bit or as you just as emphatic about not doing them as the day you went natural?

Afrocurls, I just think that after you read all of this stuff from various boards and have your own experiences with your hair, you come to a point where you just start doing for you, what you want to do.  It is like stepping away from a crowd that you normally run with to just do you.  And the same goes with your hair.

Right now, I am strictly for keeping my hair curly.  It does not interest me to straighten my hair via flatiron or Dominican blowout, or any other way.  When I was relaxed I did not think that I looked particularly great with straight hair.  I have always wanted curly hair, even when I was little.  Now, I do like straight hair, but I am not hard pressed for it.  I am also scared that the heat required will alter my curls or curl pattern.  So, that keeps me away from it.  I have strong hair, but it is still pliable when it comes to straightening.  I feel the same way about color, because of my experience with it.  I LOVE LOVE color, but know that it will tear my hair apart.

I can NEVER say that I won't straighten sometime in the future.  But for right now, it does not interest me.  When it comes down to it, I do what I want for my hair and hope that everyone else does the same.  For example, I bought this conditioner and it had cones in it.  I was not sure how I missed it.  But I said that I had gotten this conditioner and a curlie jumped all over me because it has a cone in it.  Okay, a cone is not the end of the world.  I am not going to die because I have to shampoo my hair if I experience build up.  I have used worse on my hair before I knew about cones and sulfates and my hair was fine.  I am glad that I have the information that I have about these things, but it is not going to totally dictate my life.  I do try to have a cone, protein, petroleum, or mineral oil free regimen.  But if I am gonna put one of those in my hair, I would rather it be a cone, at least it is more beneficial than petroleum or mineral oil.

So Afrocurls, be you and do you.  No one else can.  Life ain't a dress rehearsal.  As long as you ain't hurtin' nobody....then shiiiiiddddddd, its all good.  And when all is said and done, its only hair.   And thank goodness if we mess up, it will grow right back!

-GypsyCurls

[jazzi]

I just had to say that I am so enjoying you all in this thread today.  Some REAL TALK has def. gone down! 

[jilangmartyl]

ITA Jazzi, I have been following this thread for awhile and see some intense feelings going on here as to hair and us as people as well.  Our words are intense and when you do not hold things in with what others think they we should be we are isolated.  This makes me hold true and not give a dam so I can relate to Afrocurls.  A strong woman with a mind is never in line with what others think. 

as to "What about you all? If you've been natural for longer than say, 3 years, has your attitude toward doing "forbidden things" (i.e. heat styling, coloring, getting a weave) relaxed a bit or as you just as emphatic about not doing them as the day you went natural?
"


I feel for me, I have no real issues with heat as I am not a heavy heat person.  I use it from time to time.  To lightly blow dry and I even attempt to flatiron, not high heat. I am, not a big styler as to some of you all here I usually let me hair go and be but sometimes it get to tangled as it is to coarse.  Right now I am not crazy about going to get a blow out or anything else, I just work with what goes these days. Sometimes it is hard as I work in a corp enviorment so sometimes I think my boss does not like my natural hair, but I really do not care what he thinks.   It is clean and not flaking and does not stink so to hell with that.   I work with a woman whom is relaxed and her hair is full of snow and stinks.  ( yes I am nice I say nada).   She told me that she cannot do the natural thing and all phases will pass and I will relax.
When I had a perm, my hair was not that great as I never really made an effort to take care of it. i wore hats and had it yucked up so my body wave looked like having a jheri curl. YUCK. 

Please I have no patience with her and avoid her as much as I can.  As with others whom say crap to me.  You do with what you want and I do with what I want.     

I really do not update that much in the hair albums as I do not have the time nor do I do anything that is out of the ordinary. Some woman as mentioned before on this board do 2 and 3 hair styles a day.  I can barely hold one.   

I more like meeting new people and chatting bout life sometimes outside of hair. 

Glad I chimed in on this thread, you all are awesome.   

[Afrocurls]

Afrocurls, you NEED to do what's best for YOU. 

If you wanna press, then PRESS.  Ain't nobody gonna come after you with a whip or anything! LOL!  You do what makes YOU happy. You know the risks that come with it.  Both Nik, Bre and Yaya from ANTM pressed their hair with heat and it hasn't hurt their careers.  I also notice that when they wear it "natural" it's not poofy.  It hangs low or have a waviness to it, making it seem like it's texturized when it's not.

Oh trust, I will ALWAYS do me.  Please believe it.  I'm not somebody that asks permission to do a DAMN thing when it comes to my appearance (my dad will tell you..he was PISSSED when I big chopped ).  I honestly haven't quite made up my mind when it comes to heat styling; I just said that I am DEFINITELY not as opposed to it as I used to be.  But yeah, the damage is what scares me the most. As much as I complain about the volume, I actually love my curly cottony hair.   I think it fits me. But since my hair is not the type where I can flip between straight styling and wearing it curly,  I have to decide if I am ready to give up my healthy curly hair.  Let's face it; there's a big difference between afrocurly hair that's pressed all the time and afrocurly hair that is rarely straightened; ESPECIALLY when it's wet.   The last couple times my hair has been pressed, I was bored almost immediately, but I have seen beautiful straight do's on other women that makes me wanna press. Maybe I should just shutup and get me a weave! LOL

I was just curious to know if you all's attitudes towards hair has changed much since you went natural, especially if you've been natural for a relatively long time (3 years plus).

[GypsyCurls]

Afrocurls, I KNOW you are the type to do your own thang and not jump on anyone's band wagon.  And that is so awesome!  You speak the truth and nothing but.  Can't help but like that!

What I failed to mention in my response to the question you posed is that I have been natural since 1995.  That is way more than 3 years.  But in that time span I backslid (all you church going peeps feel me on that one ) a couple of times.  I did not know how to really deal with my three different textures and two main curl patterns.  So the first three years, I stayed natural.  And I felt that I had tried it out and knew what kind of hair I had.  So, I got a little full of myself because I was looking at all the straight do's from a curlies eyes.  I wanted them and liked them, quickly forgetting that is what I left behind because of all the work involved.  So, I first stepped back in with a quick texturizer.  But my hair never curled up right again and was so inconsistent.  So, I relaxed it all the way.  Three months into it I was bored as hell with the same ponytail, updo, and wrap style.  And after running with the curls for all those years, it just didn't look right on me either.  My appearance looked a little off to me.

So, I tucked and ran back to being natural.  Man, I was so happy to see my soft butta baby curls again.  I went straight for the BC!  And was so happy I was shaking!!   So, from that point, I knew that a relaxer wasn't for me.  Now, I have flat ironed my hair with my second BC.  And I liked it, but once again too much work for me to basically do the same ole same with it.  It further convinced me that curly hair is better for me and looks better on me.  I don't do as much with it, but I love the everyday convenience of being able to wash, throw some gel or cream on it and I am out the door.  That is the WHOLE beauty of it to me.

Now, about the color.  Well, I thought I wanted a different look for my hair.  I felt I needed a little oomph.  So, I colored my hair a coppery brown/auburn.  Gosh, I loved that color.  It went great with my skin and it made me come alive.  But as it has always done....a few months later I was in trouble.  My hair began to shed and break.  It became very dry.  And that led to my 3RD BC.  I am sorry, I cannot go down with the ship.  So, I cut off the color.  But now looking back on it, I just needed to add more moisture to my hair.  Had I known that sulfates, mineral oil, and petroleum is a vicious cycle, it might not have gone that way.  But I did not know what I know now.  So, I am not so sure about color.  But I am most certainly open to henna and maybe some highlights.

And lastly, (I know you guys are about tired of me by now) when I had the relaxer I no longer felt like me.  Instead of being who I am, I kind fell back into being a part of the crowd.  And you know all too well that everywhere you go, you make a beautiful statement with your afrocurls!  And I like making that statement, even when that was not the reason for me going natural.  I just wanted curly hair and thought maybe I had some underneath the processed stuff.  When my hair was relaxed, it never smelled as good as my natural hair does.  Man, natural hair smells good.

So AC, if you do anything, just blow it out and see how you feel about it.  You seem like an adamant woman, but I have a feeling you will miss those pretty curls and all having the convenience of it.  And trust me, it is a bitch to grow it back out once you been to the promised land and had milk and honey.  And I know you've got some thick ass hair.  I have seen it in your Avatar.  So, to keep straightening it is a major undertaking.  And sometimes you just want to rock that straight style here and there.  But my fear is of any damage, even the slightest amount.

Now here's the rub....yes, my attitude has relaxed a lot since I have been curly for so long.  The only thing that has changed is NOW I know that I will never relax my hair again.  I think this time around I am taking my hair a lot more seriously and not taking it for granted like I have in the past.  Everything else....well, like you, we'll see.  But I am good for now on just being curly and growing these babies longer.

-GypsyCurls