Questions that are Taboo on Hair Boards, Part V

[Afrocurls]

Oh that's easy...b/c lots of people of color look to White people for validation.  You could be told you're beautiful by Black men on a daily basis, but it only registers when you're told by a White person...doesn't even have to be a man.  As much as people like to front, the cold truth is 150 years after slavery, we're still looking for massa's approval.

and the whole Black men don't like natural hair is a bunch of BS.  Every Black man I know appreciates a Black woman wearing her own hair in it's true form...the only Black men that have something stupid to say on the subject are your typical dumb ass niggas.  Real Black Men are not niggas.

CHUUUUUUUUCCCHHH!!

[curlygem]

As far as looking for validation from a race other than my own, I don't, and will not ever.  Matter of fact, I don't look for validation even with people of my own race. I went natural simply because I didn't like the way my hair was turning out with the relaxer (thinning, breakage, bald spots) and I missed by natural-grown texture.  When I went natural for the third and last time, I got plenty of comments like, 'your hair looked so much better straightened' and 'I don't believe you cut your hair THAT short' and 'what are you gonna do to your hair?'
Yes, I HAD to cut my hair 1/2 inch short because of the hair loss I endured after I got kinky-twists twisted into my crown a bit too tight. As for those questions and statements, here are my answers: No, my hair's much healthier natural; I could feel the wind blow through my 'fro, and it felt pretty good; I'm gonna do whatever I want to my hair now. I can do much more with it natural, anyway. I have more fun with it. So I forget about what the naysayers have to say about my hair, especially since they don't put forth any effort or money to help me get anything done with it.

I've noticed that anyone who has anything negative to say about my hair, when I look at THEIR hair, it's not what THEY want it to be, healthy, lustrious, luscious, etc. Just an observation.

[KynkyMarine]

Why is it that I get more crap on the job about my hair from black women than any other people, male or female?

If you can't tell from my screen name, I am an active duty Marine.  Since beginning my transition 3 years ago, I have come under so much ridicule from my sisters- in- arms. While it is bad enough that the Marine Corps has changed the grooming standards to take the majority of the styles that my army, navy, air force and civilian sisters enjoy off the table (twists, locs of any kind and any braid that is larger than 1/4inch in diameter), it really sucks when "my own" tell me that I need to "put my nappy hair in a ponytail" instead of trying to be " soul sister number 1".   My general response is "I will not straighten my hair to make you feel better about yours",  but that ish is getting old.  Understand that this is not about validation or even fitting in, it's about me doing me and letting others do themselves.  I get told by some younger sisters that if they could go natural they would, but the ones who have been around as long as I have (17 years) are full of the negative.
How do you cope, do you even have to?

[jazzi]

KynkyMarine
I'm sorry you're going through this.  As harsh as it sounds, Black women, especially Black women 40+, are the most disgusted by Black natural hair.  There's really not much you can say...all you can do is be thankful you're not as narrow-minded as they are.

[bubbles76]

Why is it that I get more crap on the job about my hair from black women than any other people, male or female?

If you can't tell from my screen name, I am an active duty Marine.  Since beginning my transition 3 years ago, I have come under so much ridicule from my sisters- in- arms. While it is bad enough that the Marine Corps has changed the grooming standards to take the majority of the styles that my army, navy, air force and civilian sisters enjoy off the table (twists, locs of any kind and any braid that is larger than 1/4inch in diameter), it really sucks when "my own" tell me that I need to "put my nappy hair in a ponytail" instead of trying to be " soul sister number 1".   My general response is "I will not straighten my hair to make you feel better about yours",  but that ish is getting old.  Understand that this is not about validation or even fitting in, it's about me doing me and letting others do themselves.  I get told by some younger sisters that if they could go natural they would, but the ones who have been around as long as I have (17 years) are full of the negative.
How do you cope, do you even have to?

KynkyMarine I'm sorry you have to go through that BS.  I know it's harder in the military, because not only do you have to deal with hair regulations in general (can it fit under your cover, does it touch your collar, no frizziness at all which comes with natural hair territory), but you can't even style your hair in a natural style.  And though they won't come right out and say it and it's not explicitly stated in the regs, no TWAs.  BTW, air force cannot wear locs.  But some bases can get away with it if there are more civilians than military on base.  I sported the double pony puffs you see in my avatar, and some people gave me shyt for it. 

[jazzi]

When you walk into a room full of women with perms and weaves, whether they be bad or not...do you feel a sense of advantage over them?  Do you sense jealously from them?

[Afrocurls]

I only feel an advantage over women with relaxers when I'm out somewhere and it starts raining. They're searching frantically for newspapers, umbrellas, plastic bags, etc. while I just stroll on outside.

Other than that, I don't really notice.

[peajai]

When you walk into a room full of women with perms and weaves, whether they be bad or not...do you feel a sense of advantage over them?  Do you sense jealously from them?

If their hair looks good (whether it be natural, relaxed, undetectable weave, whatever), then I admire and appreciate. If their shit is busted (new growth, chewed ends, obvious tracks, stubbly ponytails), then I feel sorry for them because I feel free from all that nonsense.

I don't know if I've sensed jealously but I can definitely tell when they are looking and wondering what I have going on.

[LadyLibra]

When you walk into a room full of women with perms and weaves, whether they be bad or not...do you feel a sense of advantage over them?  Do you sense jealously from them?

I don't feel superior to women with relaxed hair or weaves, just for being relaxed/weaved up.  I used to relax my hair, and I still wear fake hair sometimes.

I do kinda feel bad for any woman, of any race, that has bad-looking hair.  You know?  I think the only advantage there is, that having your hair look nice makes you feel like a million bucks... whereas when it looks bad, it kinda makes you feel like crap. We can front all we want, but appearances do matter.

I do sense jealousy from other women with weaves quite often (at least, from the ones that rely on weaves because their hair is so busted).  Women with perms, sometimes but not nearly as often.  Perhaps because many of the relaxed women I know are actually pretty happy with their hair, whether it's short or long.

[curlygem]

I don't notice the jealousy or feel superior over my relaxed, texlaxed, weaved-up sistas. What I DO sense/notice are the questions/comments that they wanna ask me or mention before they actually do. Y'all know the usual questions: What do you do to your hair? Are those curls or twists? Do you use rollers at the ends? I know for a fact that a social worker at my workplace NEVER tires of telling me that my hair is "so beautiful". Every time she sees me, she tells me that. And I'm so shy, all I can do is smile and say "Thank you" every time.

[jeamaria]

KynkyMarine I'm sorry you have to go through that BS.  I know it's harder in the military, because not only do you have to deal with hair regulations in general (can it fit under your cover, does it touch your collar, no frizziness at all which comes with natural hair territory), but you can't even style your hair in a natural style.  And though they won't come right out and say it and it's not explicitly stated in the regs, no TWAs.  BTW, air force cannot wear locs.  But some bases can get away with it if there are more civilians than military on base.  I sported the double pony puffs you see in my avatar, and some people gave me shyt for it. 

So no locs, twists, TWAs (really surprised at that one), and people are actually managing to fit all their hair into a 1/4-inch diameter ponytail? What styles are actually permitted?

On the weave front, I rarely notice anything special on walking into a room full of permed and weave wearing women, since if I walk into a room and there are black women in it, 80% will  be relaxed AND weaved up. Half the white women will be wearing tracks, too. Walking into a weaveless room would be something that really caught my attention. I saw 3 well-styled, real-haired naturals (1 guy with a 'fro and 2 girls) sitting next to each other on the train and that was something eyecatching to me.

I rarely notice any hair jealousy from other women, either, thankfully. I'm guessing that would come in the form of bitchy hair-related comments and I haven't had a lot of those, mostly I get "how'd you get your hair to do that" type questions or "is that your real hair?".

I have to say I feel extremely BORED by the sight of weave in general. I rarely see any good ones, like where people actually put in the effort to make it match their natural color and texture, or sit on their head like real hair would. I think the most common reasons why people would quicker rock someone else's unrealistic-looking hair than their own range from trifling to troubling. But in terms of my everyday life I'm so anesthetized to the warped, samey hair, it's not something I would really notice to the point of feeling sorry for people. Dirty, destroyed looking hair is another story.

[jazzi]

I won't front, when I went to See "Good Hair," I felt a sense of pride.  I was the only Black woman in the show with natural hair and it felt good...but at the same time it made me sad   I've sensed jealousy from other women about my hair plenty.

I do sense jealousy from other women with weaves quite often (at least, from the ones that rely on weaves because their hair is so busted).

 
and that's totally who I've sensed it from as well...but they're not alone.  When someone gives a compliment about your hair, becomes interested in your hair, etc...there's always a chick, usually weaved up or bald-headed, throwing shade. 

[KynkyMarine]

So no locs, twists, TWAs (really surprised at that one), and people are actually managing to fit all their hair into a 1/4-inch diameter ponytail?  What styles are actually permitted?

jeamaria-  No locs or twists, but straight or curled hair above the collar is, any type of bun or snatch back less than 3in in bulk, braids and TWAs are ok.  I wear a TWA but as it gets bigger that option will go out of the window because of the "bulk" rule.  Every once in a while I get shade, but usually from sistas.  Here are some of the highlights and why I think they happened:

- Hair may be no shorter than 1/4 inch from the scalp, but may be evenly graduated to within 2 inches of the hair line.
Some of us had better brush waves than our male counterparts, me included!

When worn, multiple braids shall be of uniform dimension, small in diameter (approx. 1/4 inch), show no more than 1/8 of an inch of scalp between the braids and must be tightly interwoven to present a neat, professional, well groomed appearance.  Foreign material (i.e., beads, decorative items) shall not be braided into the hair.  Braids must continue to the end of the hair in one direction, in a straight line, and can be worn loose per medium hair length guidelines or secured to the head in the same manner as described for medium or long length hair styles. Ends shall be secured only with inconspicuous rubber bands.  If multiple braids are worn they must encompass the whole head. Extensions must have the same general appearance as the individual's natural hair (no yarn braids).
RUBBER BANDS, so we can look crazy when is the last time you saw that?

Braids are specifically addressed and defined as 3 or more interwoven pieces of hair.  Further guidance is that:

hairstyles considered to be faddish or exaggerated and thus not authorized for wear in uniform are (this list is not all-inclusive); locks and twists (not including French rolls/twists), hair sculpting (eccentric directional flow, twists, texture or spiking), buns or braids with loose hair extending at the end, multiple braids that do not start at the top of the head, hair styles with severe angles, and loose unsecured hair (not to include bangs) when medium/long hair is worn up.

If you read carefully, you will see that micros are not authorized if the letter of the law is followed and neither is just braiding my natural hair because only medium and long hair may be braided.  Although this is clearly written to address AA females, I must say that my fellow female Marines made this happen by widely interpreting what was allowed and doing whatever the hell they pleased, including dreads for a while.  I don't complain cuz I signed the contract!

Sorry so long, just wanted to let you all know how the other half lives.

[jazzi]

Wow!  Reading that list of restrictions has thoroughly pissed me off!  What kind of shyt is that?

[Daria Morgendorffer]